For better or *worse*......

Last month, after twelve years of marriage, my husband and I finally had our marriage blessed by the Catholic Church. Which unless you are Catholic (or have been in the past), you probably do not understand how important this was for us. The truth of the matter, I really didn't understand it until recently.

I grew up in a period where the American Catholic church was trying to "fit in" to the culture. In most of my faith formation training, I was taught about God and Christianity, but not really about the Catholic church itself. I grew up thinking that the church was just one of many paths to heaven and there wasn't really a huge difference between what I believed and what other christian denominations believed.

When I met Rodney I was twenty. At the time I was a very lukewarm Catholic and he was a Methodist by culture only. He was recently separated from a women he had been married to for just a couple of years. I was young, and predominately lead by my emotions, so I didn't let it bother me that he was still technically married. I justified it by telling myself "well, she left him, so it's not like I am standing in the way of them reuniting". After dating only a few short months we were already talking about marriage, so, we were thrilled when his wife contacted him to inform him that she was wanting to marry another man so they needed to rush their divorce. Once their marriage was over, we were itching to start ours. I briefly thought about talking to a priest, but was turned off by the fact that I would have to get married in a church. *I* wanted to get married on the beach! Then there was the whole marriage preparation, who has time for that, we want to be married, like, YESTERDAY! I look back and cringe on how little I really understood about the Sacrament of Marriage. So, instead of contacting a priest, I contacted a non-denominational preacher that advertised beach weddings on his website. I justified it by telling myself, it didn't matter who married us as long as we meant the vows we took. Roughly two weeks later we drove to the beach and got hitched. It was a cute little ceremony, we were both very content with it.

As I began to mature, and we started our family, we started attending Mass more regularly. I also, started feeling a little guilty about being married outside the church, but still didn't really understand the big deal. I did feel enough guilt that I felt the need to confess it. The priest didn't act like it was a huge deal, he basically told me to start the process of having Rodney's marriage annulled to his ex, and then to have ours blessed by the church. He absolved me of my sin and I was on my merry way. A few days later I did see a priest and start the process of having Rodney's marriage annulled. We didn't make it very far in the process before we let it fall to the wayside.

It wasn't until a few years later that it was brought back to the forefront of my mind. We had moved away from the parish we had been attending and started attending the church that I was raised in. It had been quite some time since I went to confession (I was still very lukewarm at this point, although I seen myself a good Catholic), so I figured it was time. I went in to the confessional and began spewing out all my sins. When started to confess that I was living in sin with husband since we were not married in the eyes of the church, the priest stopped me. He told me that he could not hear the rest of my confession. I was taken a back. I tried to explain to him that we were legally married, but just not in the church. He then explained to me, that Rodney was still married to his ex in the eyes of God. Basically all we had was a legal arrangement, not a true marriage.

I left the confessional not absolved of my sins. I was hurt, and devastated. When I look back now, I realize that it was my pride that was really hurt. Who was *he* to tell me that my marriage wasn't valid?? If the church was not willing to except my marriage, then I was willing to accept the church!! Over the next few weeks, I did a lot of research, desperate to find a loophole and prove that priest wrong. Instead, the more I learned, the more I realized I was the one in the wrong. It finally became very clear to me, that my husband was indeed still married to his first wife and that our "marriage" was no more really than a civil union.

The next couple of years were filled with ups and downs. The annulment process if very thorough. Before we started the process, I assumed that because Rodney's wife left him, he would automatically get an annulment. At the time I thought an annulment was synonymous with divorce. I found out that an annulment is much different. An annulment is granted when you can prove that the marriage was never valid to began with. So even if your spouse is unfaithful, and leaves you, if you entered into the marriage with full consent and knowledge about what the sacrament of marriage truly is, than no judge or jury has the power to dissolve that marriage.

When we finally received the annulment papers, my first response was relief, but then a strange thing happened, I started to feel fear, and doubt. Now let me start this by saying, I love my husband, he is my soul mate, and the man I plan on being with for the rest of my life. My fear came from "what ifs". What if ten years down the road he doesn't feel the same way about me? Before we began the process of getting married in the church, I had a slightly different view on marriage. I always felt that for better or worse, till death due you part, did not count if your spouse was unfaithful, or if they left you. I always thought, "well, if Rodney leaves me, I will be devastated, but I could possibly move on, and maybe one day fall in love again and get remarried." But, if I truly believed what I have learned, than no matter what happens I will always be married to Rodney. If one day he decides he doesn't love me and leaves me, even if he moves on and get remarried (by the eyes of the state), our marriage still exists, therefore I could never remarry, or even have another relationship. This reality was very scary. This meant I had to fully trust him to love me until death. The concept was not easy for me to swallow. I can be a very cynical person. We had been married for twelve years and I now found myself paralyzed by fear. I was very honest with him about my fears. He was patient with me, although, I know it hurt him some. After lots of prayers and discernment, I came to realize that I had to let go of my constant need to control everything and learn to trust him, and I mean really trust him. Before I trusted him, but there were strings attached. There was always an emergency escape door if I ever needed to use it.

We were married on March 31st 2012. It was better than I could have ever imagined. For the first time in our marriage, I truly feel Gods blessings. Even though, I do regret not getting married in the church to begin with, I wonder if at the age of twenty-one, I would have fully realized what marriage is.

Genesis 2:24 For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate. Do we really take these words as literally as we should, really?? We will become "one flesh". These are very powerful words. What a gift the Catholic church has given me, thanks to the church, I look at my marriage in a whole new light. It is truly a blessing from God.

We are in a war

These are scary times we are living in. Right now our president has declared war on the Catholic church. He is pretending to listen to us, and wants to work out a compromise, but it is all smoke and mirrors.

Please make sure you are educated on the HHS Mandate, it is a very scary ruling which has no regard to the amendments! It completely ignores our religious freedoms and certainly doesn't keep their "state" separated from our "church". Some Quotes on the subject:

Bishop James Conley of Denver

A death knell for religious liberty in the United States.

Roger Cardinal Mahoney – Archbishop Emeritus of Los Angeles

I cannot imagine a more direct and frontal attack on freedom of conscience than this ruling today. This decision must be fought against with all the energies the Catholic Community can muster.

Cardinal-designate Timothy M. Dolan, Archbishop of New York

To force American citizens to choose between violating their consciences and forgoing their healthcare is literally unconscionable.

You can also join the online movement here at Face Book Stand with the US Bishops Against the HHS

Please Join us!!

14 Day Smoothie Challenge

It is said you need to chew your liquids and juice your solids. All leafy greens have cell walls composed mainly of cellulose, which is very difficult for our bodies to break down in order to access the dense nutrients that the greens supply. So basically greens go in the body one way and exit the other with much of the nutrients still intact.

When greens are juiced or blended, the machine do most of the "chewing" beforehand. You benefit more by blending the veggies than by eating them.

Smoothies are not juice! Smoothies are complete foods with fiber still intact.

After reading time and time again how tasty green smoothies are, I decided to try one. I was shocked, I couldn't even taste the spinach! It is amazing that something so delicious is also a powerhouse of nutrients. I have been wanting to do a smoothie detox for a, but I have been to chicken. I am terrified I will not stick to it and fail. At the same time I realize if I don't do it at all then I fail without question.

I am going to start with a fourteen day challenge and possibly keep going if it is working for me. I hope by posting here I will feel somewhat accountable to keep up with it better. Wish me luck!

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Family Time

Our family seems to be in a season in life where we remain in perpetual motion. Although the weekends are no exception, I look forward to having everyone together, and our activities are more family centric, rather than everyone moving in separate directions.
Victoria and Madilyn went to stay the night with their Grandpa and Grandma Di's, and Rodney was fast asleep by the time I finished all my errands this evening. So, I picked up a Redbox movie for Chandler and I.
Tomorrow we are getting out our fall decorations and cleaning up the outside of the house. I also have a lot of catching up to do on the inside cleaning (especially in the laundry room). Chandler has a soccer game in the afternoon. I really hope to have all our work done tomorrow, so Sunday we can go to Mass, Faith Formation, then spend the rest of the day relaxing, well, at least for a few hours before Victoria has to go to youth.
Victoria finished up her first season of tennis and I am so glad she really enjoyed playing. Homeschooling is going okay, it's such a huge adjustment and I am constantly worried that I am not doing a good enough job. Also, with this being our first year I am finding that a lot of material I purchased it not quite what I expected. We normally spend about 3 to 4 hours Mon, Tues, Wed, and Fri doing class work, then Thursday we spend all day at the church for Mass, activities and playtime with other Catholic homeschoolers (Maddie and I both look really forward to Thursdays).
I am off to enjoy the movie with my son. Have a great weekend!

Halloween and it's Christian (not pagan, roots).....

We've all heard it: "Halloween is a pagan rite dating back to the Celtic harvest festival of Samhain , (or some other variation of this holiday's supposedly pagan roots,) but that is absolutely NOT the truth! Halloween, the name itself coming from the old English words, "Hallow" (meaning consecrated to God [or Saint]), and "Even" (meaning evening) is the vigil before All Saints Day (it's properly spelled Hallowe'en (for "Halloweven") and it's TOTALLY Catholic!

It is true that ancient Celts celebrated a harvest festival called Samhain on November 1st, (not the night before), and it is true that early Catholics often "baptized" local festivals to give new converts reasons to still celebrate but now for a Christian purpose, but that's NOT what happened with Halloween.

The earliest church tried to celebrate every martyr with a special solemnity on the anniversary of their martyrdom but, as that list began to grow (especially during the Diocletian persecution), they realized they needed a special day set aside to venerate ALL of these holy people, known and unknown.

Around the year 400, this day was set as the Sunday after Pentecost (obviously having nothing to do with harvest time) and it remained there until hundreds of years later when Pope Gregory III (731-741) consecrated a chapel in the Basilica of St. Peter to all the saints and thus, moved All Saints Day to November 1st (because we already had a big day for the apostles on May 1st so the saints on May 13 was a bit close). Pope Gregory IV (827-844) extended the celebration to the Universal Church by making it a Holy Day of Obligation (currently abrogated [meaning temporarily waived] in the United States).

So, where do we get all the traditions? Well, it seems it was the "melting pot" of America that created most of them. First, in 998, St. Odilo set aside November 2nd to honor all souls and it's believed that among Irish Catholic peasants there was some fear that since we had a day to honor the souls in heaven and one for those in purgatory, maybe the souls in hell would make trouble, so they began a strange custom of banging pots on All Hallow's Even to assure the damned they weren't forgotten either.



Also, it was common for poor people to go door to door on Hallowmas (All Saints Day) and beg for food in exchange for their prayers for your dead family and friends during Masses on All Souls Day (the next day).

Then, in 14th and 15th century France, bubonic plague gave many people reason to be very concerned with the afterlife. Artists worked hard to remind people of their mortality and often painted scenes where the devil led long chains of people, including church leaders, kings, peasants and lepers, into the tomb and sometimes these scenes were presented live on All Souls Day with people dressing up in the garb of various levels of society and acting out their part.

Finally, England had a "penal period" from the 1500-1700s, where being Catholic was severely punished and offering Mass was a capital offense that cost many priests their life. During this time, a Catholic resister named Guy Fawkes, participated in a plot to blow up parliament and kill the Protestant King James I, in hopes of freeing Catholics from government burdens. On November 5, 1605, he was discovered, tortured and later hanged but the day the plot was foiled became a celebration in all of England (still is).

Puritans couldn't resist another chance to harass the Faithful, so bands of Guy Fawkes Day revelers would put on masks and visit local Catholics in the dead of night demanding beer and cakes for their celebration of the now dead Catholic (as opposed to the asking done on Hallowmas—this was not a nice knock) . This practice gave birth to the term, "Trick or Treat" (though I suspect it was menacingly said in reverse). Note: Some countries have twisted this and require that the beggar provide the trick (some riddle or magic trick or something) in order to earn the treat…neat idea!

It was in America that all of these customs morphed together to become what we now call "Halloween". The English's November 5th, celebration of Guy Fawkes day with its demands for treats, the French masquerade and obsession with death, the Irish pot banging and worrying about the damned in hell (and probably some harvest customs of making candle lights but now using pumpkins instead of the original turnip lights [as the Irish were not long from their superstitious and pagan roots).

The dark side crept into the day starting with the greeting card industry in the late 1800's when some ill-informed folklorist added witches and black cats (because it was believed that witches could "shape-shift" into cats) and other dark symbols. Of course the evil side has just continued to grow but the original intention of this vigil is to HONOR the saints! Let us reclaim our vigil!!

This year I encourage you to have a REAL Halloween (saint) party and require saint costumes (or at least block evil costumes). Let's bring this day back to Jesus and those who have served Him well. Be creative with your games, such as bobbing for apples being called the "Martyrs dunk" (as it was common to use water torture to make people confess to anything—even being Catholic!), be sure to make the children tell you something about a saint to earn each candy they get, etc.

Let's try to find a balance between the modern fun parts of Halloween—the merrymaking and candy, and even some ghoulishness (there's some seriously repulsive stuff in the Saint's truth!) , and the real Catholic reasons for this day. When she was younger, my girl used to go "Trick or Treating" but IN her saint costumes. Over several years, she took Saints Francis of Assisi, Mother Cabrini and Mother Seton door to door right next to the evil costumes of other children. That's what we are called to be, the person carrying the Light in the middle of a dark world (I was very blessed as she *wanted* to wear them, your children may not be so inclined but you could ask them!).

Use this day as a reason to tell the truth about the Saints—really dig into your saint books and find ways to make those saints into games. I use baseball hats that I've attached strips of clear plastic above the bill so I can slip in little laminated cards with a saint's name. Each child gets up and asks, "Who am I?" and the other children give clues to that saint until the child correctly guesses which saint is on their hat.

I find that using the first person really helps the children "connect" with that saint and retain the knowledge longer. We start with, "In what century did I live?", then "Where was I born?", then friends (many saints have saint friends), and finally the things that will give it away like, "What am I famous for?", or other facts about the individual saint's life. Points (gold plastic coins) are given based on how quickly the child figures out which saint they are.

If you want to entertain older children, search the internet for pictures of incorrupt saints – they are amazing and terribly ghoulish at the same time. If you dispense candy to the neighbor children, attach a note to it that says, "Jesus is the light of the word…do not be afraid!", or some other Christian message that declares Halloween is a day to honor those that honored Him.

There is a worldwide movement to bring this day back to its REAL roots. Check out this website for inspiration: www. NightofLight.org and let's be the first to bring the movement to America!

*source-unknown parish bulletin article)

Put Your Pin's to Work

For all of you who "Pin" you know how addicting it can be. I am also assuming, that like me, you spend a lot more more time pinning than using what you've learned. Starting this week I have decided to do a Pinterest Challenge. For the next year I will use one of my Pins each week. If you are not familiar with Pinterest people use it to gain ideas on decorating, crafting, recipes, books to read and much more. Every week I will post my results here. Wish me luck!

Maddie's New Glasses